recovering from illness

i bragged too much about not getting sick, as the rest of my group of students dropped one by one. ended up getting sick myself, and being ill in a foreign place caused me to miss the comforts and familiarities of home. it was the first time since being here that i honestly said "i wish i weren't in india right now" and thought of all the friends and family that i missed ...it was miserable.
i ended up being given a "precious pill" (that is what they call them), which is a pill of Tibetan medicine that is blessed by His Holiness (the Dalai Lama). i followed all instructions: eat a banana, chew the pill, drink two glasses of boiling water, turn off the lights, go to sleep, and keep very warm (i used three blankets and was still cold... because the medicine causes heat to leave your body). i woke up with all sickness gone. no joke.

i feel embarassed to admit that i miss some aspects of home still though ...as if i am being ungrateful for the opportunity to be here. i certainly am not ungrateful, of course, but i do feel it is only fair to be honest and admit certain weaknesses. if only i could bounce in a bubble over to america to visit with some loved ones and sit in a bathtub for an hour or so (not at the same time, haha), and then come back here... that would be most welcomed. i suppose being sick just makes one vulnerable to all that is going on. as i heal, i know i will bring myself back to this moment.

the final point of this entry is:
tibetan medicine is amazing, and i miss you.

Tenzin Tsundue

( i had the great honor of meeting this man and was/am very moved by his passion, poetry, and mission. )

http://www.friendsoftibet.org/tenzin/

the scars of exile

guest speakers today talked to us about the trek tibetans take over the himalayas... why they leave tibet, the technicalities of how to do it without being caught by the chinese, who is able to make the challenging trip, and what they go through once crossing the border (reception centers in nepal then india...dispersing them throughout new and unfamiliar environments in hopes for a better life). they showed us pictures of some people who have come to the reception center in dharamsala... worn sagging bodies of people who hid from the chinese during the day and trekked through the mountains at night...carrying elderly people and children along the way. most come frostbitten... one man arrived carrying two of his toes in his pocket (there were pictures of his feet, destroyed from the icy trek).
we later went to the dharamsala reception center, and saw tibetans who just arrived three days ago. emaciated children with blisters all over their feet, smiling and happy to be in the town of His Holiness... relieved to be among their people and to have escaped from the chinese and their genocide.
in the reception center, there is a wall plastered with pictures drawn by children who have arrived from tibet. they draw images of chinese soldiers burning, stabbing, beating, shooting the tibetans, monks, and nuns. the pictures are gorey. it took much strength to hold tears back looking at them... knowing that children drew them... knowing that children experienced them.
i hear these stories everyday while talking to these people... and i don't know what to do except thank the universe for india's welcoming nature and for all the sources that fund the sustainment of this peaceful culture.

momos, etc.

ngatro deleg!

last night i met my other sister, who i like very much already. the three of us made momos for dinner. i am slowly learning, so by the time i return to america you all should be ready to be my guinea pigs because i fully intend to make them for you.

the children are all going to school and i am filled with joy to see them in their sharp little school outfits.

at the end of monsoon season, it has been foggy, rainy, and cloudy here the entire time.... but this morning i awoke to my sister chanting her morning prayers under a ray of sunlight streaming through the window.... and upon venturing outside i discovered that for the first time since my arrival i can actually see the many mountains that envelope this hill station.

every day is new.

still the youngest sibling of 3

i have been in my homestay since friday, and am beginning to adjust. i must admit that it has been a challenge for me... if i could have requested, i would have asked for a large family, a family with children, a family that is more traditional and religious. so i suppose this is how the universe constantly challenges me and my desires because i am the only student in my group who has no ammala (mother), no pala (father), no popola or momola (grandparents), and no younger siblings. my homestay is with two sisters, ages 26 and 27, who dress more western than i do. my emotions were difficult at first, thinking this would be a chance for me to finally feel a real whole family unit (mother, father, children) and to dive into the culture. i am accepting what i have been given, because i know there is a reason.
aside from the slight dissapointment, i love my sister [i have only met one, as the other has been visiting with her parents for the weekend and will be returning home today]. she is an amazing cook and is helping me very much with language. we live in a box of a room, smaller than any college dorm room you could imagine. there is a small kitchen annexed off of the main room, and we share a toilet with 5 surrounding families. (i am mastering the art of squatting holes for toilets, bucket showers, and eating with no utensils!) :-)
much of the romantic preconceived notions of tibetan culture and religion are being dissolved during my stay here (through class lectures, homestay, and general observation/interaction). as it dissolves, a REAL tibetan exile community is being shown to us. i am learing a LOT during my stay and studies here.
i am still fascinated every day by the people, smells, sights, and sounds that i swim through in this place. i was joking with a friend that if i was superimposed back into america right now, seated next to family or friends, you might gag and insist i take a 5 hour long shower before you'd be able to talk to me... but in the context of india, none of us really smell bad at all, haha!
i'll leave you with a positive little story...
on saturday, my achala (sister) and i went with Tessa and her pala to the temple for blessings. he guided us through everything so that we were no longer like the many tourists that swarm through this area (new agers and hippies seeking some mystical enlightenment or social credibility). we did prostrations to the buddha, filled butter lamps, spun the prayer wheels of om mani padme hum, and circumambulated the temple complex 3 times. upon completion of our prayers and blessings, we sat on a bench in front of the temple and watched the rain fall on the metal rooftops. i suppose that was the tibet i was seeking, in that moment. ...i found that and so much more, destroying all expectaions i had and replacing them with a reality that is just as splendid (if not more!).

tashideleg!

could words ever even describe this??

i could write a novel or two on all of the experiences of the past week of my life, and yet words would fail to ever come anywhere near describing this so that you all could fully understand. this internet cafe is the last place i should be when so much is waiting for me to immerse myself in, but i realized i've been too in the moment to let you all know i am alive.
the truth is: i am more alive than i have ever felt, and i've found myself pinching my arm consistently and thinking "i can't believe this is real!!"
all of this is like nothing i ever could have imagined. the smells, the people, the culture, the behavior, the everything....
in the past week i have been to Taipei, Singapore, Delhi, Pinjore, Mcleod Ganj (Dharamsala)!
i have a million stories to tell already and it has only just begun.
tonight i had tea with a tibetan man i met while walking through the bazaar. he complimented me on my chuba (traditional tibetan clothing; with the apron that only married women wear -because otherwise i would get far too many propositions!) and as we walked along and talked he matter-of-factly said "shall we get tea?". i knew to be cautious, but also felt that this situation was perfectly safe and comfortable. we went up to a rooftop cafe where many monks and tibetans were having tea and conversing. the view of the mountains around us was fascinating! we talked a lot about his life... he came to India in 1992, from Tibet; was educated in Chinese schools (as Tibetans are now -if they can afford to have any schooling at all) and has the scar to prove it, as they are very harsh -he was beaten with a thorny branch for not completing an assignment on time; his family is all still in Tibet because they are too old or poor to make it over the border and to sneak past chinese customs; he works for His Holiness (the Dalai Lama), and explained how meeting him gave him a feeling like nothing in this world ever has before; he learned english from watching american movies;... we talked about many many things... he was an amazing person to have tea with.
the rest you will have to hear about later... there is so much.
i am surrounded by such a sensory overload. walking past cows in the streets, monkeys in the trees, dogs everywhere, beautiful people (Indian and Tibetan), monks, nuns, lepers (who i still find beautiful as well, despite their misfortune), the mountains!!, temples, Indian food, smiles, respect, ....everything makes me speechless! i feel like i am in my personal little heaven, for now, and i am so content and at home in this space. (don't worry, i still miss you all!)
i'm off to soak it all in some more, because as Dhondop (the man i had tea with tonight) reminded me "home is wherever you are, as long as you are happy. if you are in a place and you are happy then you are home." and so: i am home.
tashidelek.